Honey Boo Boo: An American Girl

I think we are living in a time where people love to trump their acceptance of all life styles; people are being encouraged more than ever to be themselves, follow their dreams, and to realize we all have a lot in common. Bullying is bad, change is good, and there is no greater success in life than having fun, having confidence, following your dreams, and being happy.

OH, REALLY?

You think these things, and yet you think that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is so stupid? Disgusting? Let me tell you something. Alana is a six year old. I’m sorry that she’s not some shy, lame six year old like you were, sitting in the reading corner and crying every time someone who’s not her mom tries to touch her. I’m sorry she’s not affluent. I’m sorry her family’s not eloquent. And I’m sorry that they like having fun and being ridiculous.

I’m happy for you. I’m happy you’re from a good area. You were able to get into college. The greatest moments of your life have been getting wasted on the rooftop of a SoHo loft, Christmas lights twinkling, your speech slurring, and the bearded graphics designer you just met is palming your thigh. Ahhh, life!

I am not putting it below you to judge a six year old — I know you too well for that. I just want you to know that while you’re crying because that graphics designer left with your roommate’s best friend, Alana and her family are having a big laugh over something Mama said, enjoying some snacks and the flatulence they result in.  Every time you feel the burn of an insult about your looks, I hope you think of how Alana has the confidence to walk across the pageant stage and whip out her tummy as a “secret weapon.” Every time you put on that beautiful air of pretention, give out a short chuckle and say “Honey Boo Boo Child? Come on. That show is trash,” I hope you know that you will never get the amount of attention that Alana has gotten just for being her badass, hysterical self.

And while you parade your false tolerance of all creeds, I hope you see that America is made up of all types of people from all types of places, and we can’t all be the same. And guess what? You’re not better than anybody.